Old Hank was famous for two things.<\/p>\n
Growing the biggest pumpkins in the county…<\/p>\n
…and talking far too much.<\/p>\n
If you stopped to buy eggs, he’d tell you about his pumpkins.<\/p>\n
If you stopped to ask about the weather, he’d somehow bring up his pumpkins.<\/p>\n
But nothing\u2014not even his pumpkins\u2014compared to how much he bragged about his prize breeding bull.<\/p>\n
“I’ve got the finest bull in three counties!” he’d announce.<\/p>\n
“People drive more than eighty miles just to bring their cows here.”<\/p>\n
He’d slap the fence proudly.<\/p>\n
“Costs them three hundred dollars a visit.”<\/p>\n
Then he’d lower his voice like he was revealing a state secret.<\/p>\n
“Tomorrow alone, he’s got six appointments at six different farms.”<\/p>\n
Everyone in town had heard the speech.<\/p>\n
Usually more than once.<\/p>\n
One afternoon, Hank was sitting outside the feed store when his neighbor, Earl, wandered over.<\/p>\n
“You really expect me to believe one bull can handle six farms in one day?”<\/p>\n
Hank grinned.<\/p>\n
“You come by tomorrow evening.”<\/p>\n
“You’ll see.”<\/p>\n
The next day, Earl decided to satisfy his curiosity.<\/p>\n
Just before sunset, he drove over to Hank’s farm.<\/p>\n
He walked through the pasture expecting to see the famous animal standing proudly.<\/p>\n
Instead…<\/p>\n
The legendary bull was stretched out flat in the grass.<\/p>\n
Tongue hanging out.<\/p>\n
Eyes half closed.<\/p>\n
Breathing like he’d just run a marathon.<\/p>\n
Earl laughed.<\/p>\n
“So…”<\/p>\n
“This is the great champion?”<\/p>\n
The bull didn’t even move.<\/p>\n
Earl leaned against the fence.<\/p>\n
“You don’t look so legendary now.”<\/p>\n
Still no response.<\/p>\n
After another minute, Earl shook his head.<\/p>\n
“Hank’s been telling everybody you’re the strongest bull in the county.”<\/p>\n
The bull slowly opened one eye.<\/p>\n
Then, to Earl’s complete astonishment, quietly muttered,<\/p>\n
“Would you mind keeping your voice down?”<\/p>\n
Earl jumped backward.<\/p>\n
“You… you can talk?”<\/p>\n
The bull sighed.<\/p>\n
“Of course I can.”<\/p>\n
“I’ve just been too tired to mention it.”<\/p>\n
Earl stared in disbelief.<\/p>\n
“I’ve never heard of a talking bull!”<\/p>\n
The bull rolled his eyes.<\/p>\n
“And I’ve never heard of a farmer who knew when to stop making appointments.”<\/p>\n
Earl burst out laughing.<\/p>\n
“So Hank wasn’t exaggerating?”<\/p>\n
The bull groaned.<\/p>\n
“Exaggerating?”<\/p>\n
“He booked me solid.”<\/p>\n
“Six farms.”<\/p>\n
“Two photo sessions.”<\/p>\n
“A county fair interview.”<\/p>\n
“And some fool from the newspaper wanted me to pose beside a tractor.”<\/p>\n
Earl could barely breathe from laughing.<\/p>\n
“What are you going to do tomorrow?”<\/p>\n
The bull closed his eyes again.<\/p>\n
“Nothing.”<\/p>\n
“I’ve already called in sick.”<\/p>\n
“You called in?”<\/p>\n
“No.”<\/p>\n
“I asked one of the chickens to do it.”<\/p>\n
Just then Hank came walking across the field.<\/p>\n
“There he is!”<\/p>\n
“My superstar!”<\/p>\n
Hank proudly patted the exhausted bull on the shoulder.<\/p>\n
“Best investment I ever made.”<\/p>\n
The bull whispered to Earl,<\/p>\n
“Watch this.”<\/p>\n
Hank smiled.<\/p>\n
“He’s so dedicated.”<\/p>\n
“He never complains.”<\/p>\n
The bull looked directly at Earl and quietly said,<\/p>\n
“I do.”<\/p>\n
“He just never listens.”<\/p>\n
Earl laughed so hard he had to sit down on an old fence post.<\/p>\n
As he stood to leave, he looked back one last time.<\/p>\n
“If you could ask for anything in the world…”<\/p>\n
“…what would it be?”<\/p>\n
The bull didn’t hesitate for even a second.<\/p>\n
“A calendar…”<\/p>\n
“…and a union representative.”<\/p>\n
Earl laughed all the way back to his truck.<\/p>\n
The next morning, the whole county heard a new story.<\/p>\n
Not about the strongest bull in three counties.<\/p>\n
But about the only bull anyone had ever known whose biggest dream wasn’t more cows…<\/p>\n
…it was a well-earned vacation.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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